TELEVISION... YOUR CHILD AND YOU

                                   
One aspect of parenting that is problematic, and for many controversial, is the question of T.V. Although virtually all experts agree that television viewing by young children should be limited and strictly controlled, many parents just do not accept the T.V. as an "enemy." While almost all parents agree that violence and adult content should be avoided, programs designed specifically for kids are readily embraced. Aside from entertainment, the "educational" value... learning the alphabet, word recognition, introduction to numbers, etc. are mistakenly felt to outweigh the negatives attached to T.V. And for many weary parents the television provides a welcome break from the everyday demands of child-rearing.

Many parents are not too concerned about T.V. for older children and teens. With some supervision and control of viewing, parents generally accept television as a ubiquitous part of life, both for themselves and their kids. Unfortunately, taking the "easy way out" in regard to television for children may have many far-reaching harmful consequences.

I recently came across a newsletter by Dr. Louise Hart that decried the exploitation of children by television advertising {www.louisehart.com}. Marketing to children is big and profitable. Companies spend $17 billion each year to brainwash kids into lusting for every manner of product from toys, clothes and gadgets to food, cosmetics and the like. Children between the ages of two and eleven are bombarded with 25,000 advertisements a year on T.V. alone. Brand name companies rake in $500 billion a year in sales influenced by children.

Today's kids are programmed to "need" brand-name products. Commercials and cartoons rule the day. Parents are nagged until they give in. {Some believe that by indulging their kids they are actually being good and loving.} As Dr. Hart so aptly puts it, "They {kids} are given permission to think everything is about 'me,' and 'about me NOW.' The authority of parents is being usurped by brand names. Traditional values of the family are challenged, weakened and undermined when exhausted parents give in."

T.V. hurts in many other ways. Time glued to the "tube" takes the mind and body away from more important developmental needs. Creativity, imagination and cognitive thinking are compromised; physical activity and play are diminished. The adverse effects can be serious, particularly in the early and critically important early years {birth to age six}.

Additional problems linked to television include eating disorders, obesity, diabetes, precocious sexuality, youth violence, alcoholism, depression, anxiety and family stress among others.

There is no question about the extensive, often seemingly unrelated, damage that can be done to children who watch T.V. In her article, Dr. Hart refers the reader to a video produced by the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood {CCFC}. This organization advocates and actively promotes government intervention and regulation of advertising to children.

While regulation may help, for me it is not the answer. PARENTS AND NOT THE GOVERNMENT, are responsible for raising their children. The simple, immediate and most effective answer for this serious threat to your children is for you to "just say NO to T.V.!" Get it out of your house, if necessary... at least for the first two or three years. Thereafter, limit viewing to "Nature" and other carefully selected programs for no more than one or two hours a day.

Now, I know that for many of you this may seem to be far from simple, and you may think it's  impracticable and almost impossible for you to do. But I can assure you that it can be done. Many parents, just like you, have and are currently following the American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines... No T.V. for the first two years of life and no more than one or two hours of monitored total media time per day thereafter. {My own daughter, Laura, didn't know what a T.V. was until she was four!}      

So, support the CCFC, attach a bumper sticker, complain about those nasty corporations, join a protest, lobby congress, if you like, but for goodness sakes... be a RESPONSIBLE parent. Nagging exists because YOU "give in" and allow it... not because of some dumb "Barbie" doll. YOUR CHILD'S FUTURE DEPENDS ON YOU... not advertising and certainly not the government! Say "NO" to T.V. and "YES" to becoming a positive, knowledgeable and effective parent.

Bernard Schencker



    







 

THE NOT SO SURPRISING BENEFITS OF FAMILY DINNERS

I recently came across an online article from the Niagara Falls Review on the benefits of family dinners. This short piece titled, The Surprising Health Benefits of Family Dinners, reported that "the benefits of family dinners are astounding researchers with results they didn't expect."

Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, an investigator with the School of Public Health at the University of Minnesota, found that kids who ate dinner with family members were healthier in a number of ways. Not only was their nutrition better, but they also had a lower incidence of smoking, drinking, and marijuana use. And they also had lower rates of depression.

Merryl Bear, Director of the National Eating Disorder Information Centre, www.nedic.ca, said, "Eating disorders are not really about food, and family meals are also not about food, but connection." As she explains, time together helps children feel emotionally connected to family members, and also helps parents become more aware of what's happening in their kids' lives.

For me, there are no surprises here. Children, on their journey to adulthood, face many challenges. While they want to become independent and increasingly in control of their own lives, they still need the emotional support of mom and dad. Kids, at all ages, need to feel unconditional parental love. They need guidance and they need to know that even if they make bad choices, mom and dad will be there for them.

While a loving, caring and respectful relationship is ideally developed in infancy, it must be nurtured and  maintained throughout childhood. When combined with a grounding in moral values and solid decision-making skills, it helps provide children with resilience and strength of character... qualities they need to resist temptations and peer pressure which become particularly strong during the teenage years.

This all-important relationship requires continual reinforcement. Reinforcement is not accomplished by providing designer clothes, the latest electronics, gifts of money, cars, and the like... it requires a greater and more precious gift... the gift of time.

Unfortunately, in the "hustle and bustle" hectic world of today, many parents just never seem to be able to find enough time for their kids. And the time that is kid related is often superficial. Dropping Johnny off at soccer and taking Lindsey to gymnastics are of little value in the loving relationship department. "Quality time" is needed.

"Quality time" is often misunderstood. It's really not complicated. It is simply the time when parents  can communicate love and respect... through words, expression, touch and deeds. Showing sincere interest and doing things together... jobs around the house, projects, going to events, recreation and sports... even   helping with homework, can all be great relationship builders. And quality time can be as simple as sharing the events  of the day while having a nice family dinner together!

While getting everyone together for dinner may require some creative rescheduling, it is well worth the effort... even two or three times a week can have a positive impact.

Bernard Schencker

PARENTS' CHALLENGE--SCENARIO II

In this and subsequent Scenarios you have an opportunity to practice thinking before interacting by choosing the best action and then comparing your choice with the preferred one based on positive goal-focused principles.


Before making your selection remember that the best interaction is positive, goal-directed and in "sync" with the needs and wants of children.  Pay particular attention to:


The Golden Rule--Caring and Respect
Learning by Doing and Imitating
Learning To Think for Themselves
Learning to make Good Decisions
Learning to Follow Rules and Take Responsibility for Poor Choices


Johnny, age 9, tells you he forgot to bring home his spelling list.

What is your best action?

1. Say, “Why don’t you call Amy to see if she can fax the list to you?”

2. Say, “I’ll write your teacher a note asking her to excuse you this time.”

3. Say, “Sounds like you have a problem; any ideas on how to solve it?”

4. Say, “This is the second time this week; one more time and you’re grounded for a week!”

Please consider each choice carefully before selecting the best one.  The Goal-Focused Positive Parenting choice with brief comments are as follows:

Dad’s best action is Option 3. Here you are encouraging Johnny to think for himself and be responsible. If he comes up with a good solution (like calling Amy) that’s great. If not, then he’ll just have to suffer the consequences as determined by his teacher.

Worst action is Option 2. Here you are overprotecting. Johnny must learn to be responsible for his actions, to handle it himself and to accept adverse consequences if necessary.

Option 1. This could be a good solution that might help give him some insight into problem-solving, but your thinking for him is not a good way to encourage him to think for himself and it does not promote independence and self-reliance.

Option 4. This is not a good option since at this time the adverse consequences should come from the teacher. If forgetting the spelling list (and possibly other school issues) becomes more frequent, it would be best for you to meet with Johnny’s teacher to see if there is an underlying problem, and then together with the teacher see how you may be able to help.