There were several events in my adult life that strongly contributed to my persona and in a completely unanticipated way led to my current interest and expertise in parenting.
1. Internship and Residency Taught Me To Think and Do For Myself-- During my internship and subsequent radiology residency in the Army I learned to think, make decisions and act on my own. We all used to joke about the Army way--"watch one, do one, teach one," but this apprentice style program, without lectures and close direction from professors, really taught me how to get the answers I needed on my own. It greatly strengthened the confidence in myself that had been building since my childhood. This self-reliance and confidence enabled me to entrepreneur my way into doing original medical research, creating innovative medical publishing and start-up diagnostic companies, and more.
2. Developed an Entrepreneurial Business--In 1975 I was in a busy radiology practice. It was hard for me to keep up with all the new medical information. I reasoned that others had a similar problem and that a monthly audio digest of the most important new journal articles would be very helpful for busy doctors. They could listen while driving, converting otherwise wasted time into valuable learning sessions. As far as I knew there was nothing like this out there. It was simple in concept and although I had no business training or experience I decided to do it.
Little did I realize just how difficult starting a small innovative business would be. However, within two years it was well established with competent employees in all the necessary departments--marketing, fulfillment, customer service, accounting, editing, etc. I had learned how to put together a successful business, but I was to soon learn a much greater lesson.
3. Learned Humility, How to Be a Leader and Treat Everyone With Respect-- I started out as a typical boss, giving orders but not listening much. Fortunately, as the business grew, I came to realize that I no longer knew more about the business than the people who were actually doing the work. Now I began to believe that I wasn't so smart after all. If the business was to prosper I needed enthusiastic, happy and engaged associates who cared about their work, not robot-like employees. They needed a leader, not a boss.
So, I learned how to be a good leader and with it important lessons in humility, fairness and how to treat people with respect. It was infectious and soon everyone was developing their own leadership skills with a sense of purpose and a drive to improve and achieve. We all learned the value of treating each other with respect, irrespective of rank or position. An amazing transformation took place.
Now as thinking associates instead of watching the clock they looked forward to coming to work each day. Most gave 100% and more. We had become a team and together had learned about the great value and power of the "Golden Rule." I learned to think before interacting in order to help insure that what I said and what I did conveyed caring and respect. I no longer needed to feel superior by diminishing others. I now derived great satisfaction in encouraging people to grow, improve and achieve. And in keeping with "you get what you give" I not only became an effective leader but also a much better and more productive person.
4. My Daughter Was Born and My Wife Was Determined to Raise Her "Right."-- At the time I was 54, my sons were grown and on their own. Laura's mom, my second wife of eight years at the time (thirty years now in 2010} is Sherry. Sherry had no special education or experience in childhood development or parenting but she did have a strong desire to do her best to raise a great kid and hopefully a great adult. So she began reading. The books emphasized the importance of making Laura feel loved, treating her with respect and celebrating her uniqueness. They also stressed the importance of helping her learn to think, make her own decisions, do for herself and be responsible for the consequences of her actions.
5. I Discovered That Both Adults and Children "Blossomed" When Treated In The Same Positive and Loving Manner-- When Sherry and Laura set out on their great parent/child adventure, learning from each other along the way, it soon became clear to me that this "stuff" really worked! Then it hit me. The things that Sherry was doing with Laura-- the positive, loving, caring and respectful relationship, allowing and encouraging her to think and do for herself, all of it-- was virtually identical with what I had so successfully learned to implement in my business. The principles for helping both children and adults grow and develop were, in fact, one in the same!
6. I Embark On an In-Depth Study Of Parenting--Armed with this new understanding and having Sherry and Laura as my own "learning laboratory," I embarked on what is now a twenty-one year study of parenting and childhood education. And, as in earlier years, this self-learning approach has served me well. So much so that I now believe I have much to offer. In my writings and in my upcoming book I combine the best of multiple authors from Montessori and Steiner through Adler and Dreikurs to the current-day experts in psychiatry, psychology and neuroscience. I add ideas of my own, particularly in regard to goal-setting, and in everyday language I simplify essential principles and methods, give examples and make key points easy to remember and apply.
7. I Emphasize That Parenting Is a Long-Term, Goal-Directed Process--Parenting is best viewed as a long-term process designed to help children learn to become independent, self-reliant and responsible adults with high moral and ethical character. My approach is child-centered and goal-focused and it is best begun as early as possible. {The first six years of life and especially the first three are felt to be the most critical period for brain development.} Goal-Focused Positive Parenting is designed to help prevent conflicts and behavior problems from occurring. However, implementing a positive, goal-focused approach at any age can be of great help with both immediate problems and as a way to prevent future trouble.
While it took me the better part of a lifetime to acquire all of the personal qualities and character needed for successful living, I am convinced that Goal-Focused Positive Parenting, when properly understood and applied, can make it all happen much earlier and more completely during childhood-- I'm on a mission to help parents do just that.
