Children start out on their journey to adult independence with a strong built-in desire to learn. They learn primarily by "doing"... by exploring, investigating and experiencing the exciting new world around them. They also learn by imitating adults and through repetition.
As kids become more involved in everyday life and activities, and with increasing exposure to an expanded world, they may become even more eager to learn. With support and encouragement, each new learning achievement makes them feel good about themselves and helps them gain confidence in their abilities.
So, if children's job is to learn to become independent, parents' job should be to help them do just that. It follows, that during childhood parents and children should work together to reach their common goal. So far, so good... right? Are we together on this? I hope so, because understanding this common goal underlies everything else... all the principles and methods that are essential for raising great kids.
Now, let's see how things can go wrong. If kids want to learn, why does your four year old get upset and resist being taught with flash cards? Why doesn't your ten year-old want to do homework? Why does your 10th grader do so poorly in algebra?... common concerns for many parents.
I believe much of the problem rests with a failure to recognize the difference between helping a child learn and teaching a child in hopes they will learn. It's all about learning, not teaching.
Children learn because they want to learn. But the desire to learn can be diminished and even turned off when we attempt to teach children instead of helping them learn. To put it another way, effective teaching is not really teaching at all... it is the act {or maybe the art} of helping children learn. It is when teaching is attempted in a way that is not directed towards helping children learn, that problems may occur.
More specifically, teaching can be ineffective and may squelch learning:
1} when teachers or parents try to teach before children are mentally/phsyiologically ready, 2} when they try to teach something that is not at all what the child wants to learn about, 3} when they teach in a boring and uninteresting way, 4} when they attempt to teach in a forceful, disrespectful or coersive way, 5} when they teach using primarily a lecture format that relies on passive memorization... rather than a program that encourages students to actively seek out information from resources on their own.
It comes down to the irrefutable fact that kids learn {just like you and me} what they want to learn, not necessarily what parents and teachers want them to learn.
And most importantly, for you as a parent, please remember that your job is to help your children learn... it is not to teach. In thinking about learning verses teaching, I find it useful to substitute "helping to learn" for "teaching" whenever the subject comes up. This keeps me on track. It helps me be a coach, a facilitator and a cheerleader... not a teacher. I encourage you to do the same, particularly now, when you are beginning to process what I've presented here.
Yes, teaching can be a turnoff for learning, but hopefully not now... not for your children.
Bernard Schencker
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